Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Academia Nuts, cont'd

Scientists in England have conducted an experiment involving monkeys and computers and proved that monkeys are really smarter than we think they are.

The experiment consisted of placing a computer in a cage with a bunch of monkeys. I suspect the motivation for this springs from a Darwinist belief that if you gave a monkey enough time with a keyboard he (or she) would end up writing out the complete works of William Shakespeare. In the event, that didn't happen, but something more interesting did occur.

To understand why I say this, you need to know how the monkeys reacted to the computer. It seems that at first they simply ignored it. You don't know how many times I've wished that I had done the same thing when someone first introduced a computer into my space. So far, so good for the monkeys. Their next reaction was to hit the computer with a rock. This is where I usually end up after a particularly frustrating session with a computer; sometimes I use a hammer, sometimes a chair, but the idea is the same. The only difference is that this is where the monkeys started, not where they ended up. They cut out the frustrating part and proceed to the ideal final end of most computers -- I detect signs of intelligence here. Finally, they apparently engaged in episodes of throwing monkey poop at the thing. Although I think the rock is better, I can certainly understand the sentiment.

After passing through these distinct stages in their relationship with the computer they finally began typing on it. And what did they type? Pages and pages of little more than the letter S with a few As and Ls thrown in for good measure. No Shakespeare, but at least they had arrived at the, shall we say human, reactions that almost inevitably occur in any endeavor with a computer and they didn't have to worry about getting anything done. You know the old saying "S... happens!"

The truth of the matter is that monkeys, no matter how much time is involved do not produce anything like literature, much less like William Shakespeare. That is the difference that our politically correct intelligentsia wish so hard would go away. Monkeys are not created in the image of God, men are, and that makes all the difference in the world.

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